Every day cannot be a feast of lanterns

My sister Dina just came back from China, and she brought back with her some ancient wisdom packaged in a book on Chinese proverbs. The Chinese believed that Sour, sweet, bitter, and pungent, must all be tasted in the journey of life.

In English, it means that there is a variety of days…the good, the bad and the ugly.

Now…people…how is it that an intelligent person such as myself  get astonished when every so often I am faced with the notorious “bad day.” Surely, every day can not, and should not be a feast of lanterns! I know this, and everyone I know, knows this, but still, today I stand surprised.

I am feeling gloomy. I shall spare you the reason, suffice it to say that today is a gloomy day.

The good news is that I am tasting the journey of life.

On feeling spunky with yourself…

People. I’ve been feeling so cool lately and I owe it to my new found lust-affair with my Nikon camera. If you ever feel uninspired or like you lost your sparkle, then I suggest you go get yourself a nice camera – the kind that photographers use when on an African voyage!! It will cost you a pretty penny, but I tell you, it will be worth every cent because the feeling you will get when shooting is utterly marvellous.

I bought my Nikon right before moving back to Jordan. I had it in mind to some day take photograph lessons because I felt like I would be someone who would ultimately enjoy this as a hobby. Let’s back up a little, I wanted a hobby, a diversion from everyday mundane-ness because I knew that I would be spending a lot of time alone, and I also knew that Jordan is a beautiful country that I wanted to explore. What better to do with my lonesome self when on a date with Jordan? Surely, photograph it!

It’s such a nice hobby to adopt because it has the power to transform everyday ordinariness to awe-inspiring moments. Take for example the other morning, I was driving to work, and I crossed the modern bridge that connects east and west Amman. Ordinarily – pre-Nikon days, I would cross it hurriedly, but post-Nikon, the crossing off of it carried more significance because now the picture is richer. I started noticing how the light reflects off of it, and felt a sudden need to stop the car, get out, and snap away. I can’t tell you how cool it all felt. From the A to the Zed of it all. Having a camera adds meaning and consequence to the moment. Kind of like a blog – writing and photographing – you have the power to immortalize and celebrate the moment.

So off you go…go on!…
Put your feet in your shoes,
And pennies in your wallet.
You have faces and spaces to take places!

And if that fails to make you feel cool, then go to your wardrobe, pull out your cowboy boots and wear them! That always works for me.

How do you get jiggy with it?

Music Master ~ Rumi

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

~ Rumi

Welcome to the Vortex

We all have our own vortexes. A vortex is a state of ‘being.’ It is a departure from the self. You might think that I am talking psychobabble, and you may not be far from the truth – but it is ‘a little’ true, I have investigated this! We all have moments were we detach from reality and go some place more magical. I think I am lucky – knock on wood! – but I have many of those moments where I suddenly find myself a little out of reality. A LITTLE. I get a moment that is brushed with enchantment. Those moments come to me when I am having a great conversation with an old friend; when I’m out in nature and butterflies flutter around me I feel like I’m in wonderland; and of course, that old and exquisite feeling you get when you are sitting with your partner. When the vortex happens, I know it is happening because all of a sudden it is as if hundreds of infinitesimal sparkles fill the air between me and my sweetheart, like a pull, I am drawn by invisible strings. I want to hold onto the vortex for as long as possible, but just as it spontaneously comes, it disappears. It is so fleeting in nature. I wish I could bottle it, but it can’t be bottled. So instead, I’m writing about it.

Two is better than one – note to self!

One is a very good number. One ice cream, one thought, one moment… but I am in a ‘two’ state of mind. Life is far kinder and funner when it is done in ‘pairs’. A solitary walk in the park is therapeutic, digging ravenously into the third raw of Oreo cookies alone is deliciously gratifying, but doing the same things along with the one you love just elevates the whole affair to a whole other level. While I am someone who loves spending time with my freewheeling self, I do love being part of a ‘pair.’ I am not saying anything new here, we all know that having a partner in this life is better than going it alone, and health experts concur - this is just a ‘note to self’ to acknowledge that life is that much more pleasurable when traveled in twos. Now you have 4 feet to take you further, 4 eyes to see beyond, 2 brains to think up more ideas, 2 hearts to carry the burdens…the bigger the range, the further the reach, and the more the possibilities. (hello world!)

All juiced out …and good to go again!

All juiced out …and good to go again!

I’m all juiced out. I feel like I have been pitted, shredded and squished. I started out like a fresh lemon this morning, all shiny and perky, and as the day progressed at work, the only thing lemony about me now is my color! This is the feeling of being worn out. I have stretched my brain in so many different directions and boy does that feel good!

 At one point in my not so distant past, I considered relinquishing my civil responsibility as a working human being. I simply did not want to be a career woman. Where have all those jazzy careers led us anyways? (but that’s another blog), anyhow, in that moment in time, I needed to be home - alone with my thoughts to sit and re-group after a challenging year living through the financial crisis that brought Dubai down to its knees – and me along with it! I wanted to wake up slowly, watch my percolator drip and inhale the fresh aroma of my nice coffee. I wanted to wander out into my lovely balcony, water my plants unhurriedly and generally spend the day migrating from one room to the other…I am not someone who gets bored you see, and dropping my career for all this free time didn’t seem like a crazy idea. 

Ironically, as much as I needed to stay out of the lime light, life happened -- as it always does -- and I was pushed to full exposure with my new job. Ohh… how I struggled with that…. I so needed to be alone, but now I’m with everyone.

As it would be…being with everyone isn’t as bad as its all cracked out to be. Take away office politics and a few miserable characters around me, I’m finding my confidence again. Working gets you out of the house – you have a destination that requires you to get going. It’s the interaction with people, social exercising your character, and engaging yourself with new concepts that keeps you fresh! To stay fresh like the lemon– ironically – requires that we get all juiced out sometimes. Twisted logic J

Heightened awareness

You do not know this, but ever since I published this blog a few days ago, I went through a metamorphosis. At first, I was beyond myself with excitement at the thought of writing to the world (yes! it is a big deal!). Then the excitement transformed into bewilderment when people questioned why I want to write. And then, at some point over the weekend, I also felt a pang of pressure (I need to blog, and I need to blog about something cool).

Let’s settle this right now - I do not know exactly why I blog, and I will not be cool. I will just be me. And you will be you. And we will all sit together in this virtual space and blog unabashedly to our hearts content!

Now that this is off my chest, let me tell you how colorful my world has become post-blogging. In my pre-blog days, I went through the day collecting info: visuals, colors, sounds, smells, stories…I would ruminate and marinate them all in my head, and chew on them with my best friends and family. The difference now, is that my level of awareness is on super drive. This means that a flower is no longer a flower. simply –because- I have to write about it. Putting thoughts into words is such a pleasurable process. Things that I see or experience can now be immortalized in this space. What a novel idea to me?!! A flower that I passed yesterday is no longer a ‘passing moment of pleasure’, but an extended pleasurable moment because I get to think about it, describe it, and possibly get feedback on it from people half way across the globe.

Writing = extension of pleasure!